Why can't my boyfriend come when penetrating me??

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Why can't my boyfriend come when penetrating me??

Postby Magnolia_4 » Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:16 am

I'm getting pretty sad and anxious about this situation.

Let me give you some context. I started dating this guy a couple of months ago and after a month we had sex for the first time. It was also my first time ever having sex. I was a 25 years old virgin.

I am a very reserved person and I’ve never had a huge social life until recently, so I’ve never had the chance to actually meet a guy I was interested in. I’ve been told by friends that I can come across as unapproachable and intimidating, but thats only a sort of protection that I put on to hide my shyness. I’ve also always been told I am quite attractive so I thought that boys would just come to me without having to do any work (this way I attracted the wrong type of men, only interested in looks).

This guy is very nice and caring and I was very excited at the idea of having sex with him, and not nervous about it being my first time, pain and stuff like that, because I really wanted to do it and felt very ready.

I felt a little embarrassed to be still a virgin at 25 though, so I decided not to tell him. I thought he wouldn’t notice: I am a gymnast so my hymen was very likely already broken by doing all types of jumps, stretching and splits; also, while masturbating I have put there objects larger than the average p***s and I have a very high pain threshold.

I was very aroused when we did it and I didn’t feel any pain; I didn’t come only by penetration but still it was very enjoyable for me. I noticed he had some difficulties in sticking it in though, and in getting the rhythm going. He went on for what felt like a reasonable amount of time but he didn’t come.
I thought it was normal due to me being a virgin and probably pretty tight. We did it another time and again I enjoyed it but he didn’t come.
I didn’t question him about it but after we did it he told me that he “isn’t used” to condoms and that’s why he couldn’t come. I had given him a blow job without condom before and he told me I was good at it but he didn’t know why he couldn’t come. Both of the times I blamed it on the situation we were in: laying down on a field at night close to some itchy hay isn’t the most comfortable or relaxing (I found it pretty exciting, though).

I found out later that the best way to make him come is by using both my hands and mouth, but I feel like he takes a very long time to come and while I do it I am always afraid that I am not good enough and that he won’t come at all. I don’t mind spending a lot of time on him because I really want to please him, but I wonder if it’s normal that he takes so long, and it makes me very insecure because sometimes it happens that he doesn’t even come with blowjobs.

Also I think that using lube to masturbate him would be better for both of us but I am afraid that he thinks that I am not good enough on my own. I feel like spit isn’t enough and once he told me I was hurting him and I don’t ever want that to happen again.

We went away together for a weekend and we spent a lot of time in bed and it was amazing. He says he loves being with me, touching me and making me come. I come almost every time, but even when I don’t I don’t care because I love to feel him inside me and he can go for a very long time, which I know it’s rare.

The fact that he doesn’t come with penetration really frustrates me though. Shouldn’t orgasm be much easier for men than for women???

I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m not attractive or sexy enough, even if I am confident in my body. I really want to keep on having sex with him but I feel like maybe there’s something wrong with me? Maybe my body just doesn’t turn him on enough?

Do you think me being a newbie to this could influence?

He keeps on telling me how good I am and once he told me I gave him the most amazing orgasm of his life but I don’t know whether to believe him. Maybe he says so just to not make me feel bad about the penetration thing.

I don’t know how to approach the issue with him because I am afraid it could put even more pressure on him. Should I try to talk to him about it or should I wait?
I read some articles about delayed ejaculation and probably it could be it. He also drinks heavily sometimes and occasionally smokes weed. That maybe could play a part?

If someone has experienced something like this please tell me because I really want to please him and I’m starting to feel terrible about this situation! I adore having sex with him but I feel like this issue will give us a lot of anxiety and pressure and eventually spoil everything.

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Re: Why can't my boyfriend come when penetrating me??

Postby mx6 » Thu Jul 19, 2018 11:00 am


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Re: Why can't my boyfriend come when penetrating me??

Postby TammyLynne » Thu Jul 19, 2018 2:26 pm


Try not to worry. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you.

I think there could be a couple of things going on. First, he could be having anxiety issues. When a guy ejaculates inside a woman, even with a condom, there's always that chance of an oops, and this can make guys subconsciously have trouble ejaculating. Given that he can ejaculate when y'all are doing other things, that is a possibility.

Second (and more likely, especially given what he has said to you) is the possibility that the condom is reducing his sensations. This is definitely a real thing. My boyfriend and I normally just rely on my birth control pills, and when we do this he can reach orgasm inside me with no problem. But on rare occasions (such as when I'm on antibiotics), we have used condoms, and they give him trouble, although normally he can still get there.

Being too tight is probably not an issue--it actually gives more stimulation to the man and makes orgasm easier, especially if you are lubricated.

The best thing to do is communicate with him. It will increase your intimacy and make things easier. You can also make sure that during intercourse you're not letting him do all the work. Move your hips and use your hands to touch him in places that you know excite him. This will give him more stimulation and probably excite him psychologically as well.

Best of luck!

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Re: Why can't my boyfriend come when penetrating me??

Postby DDtop » Wed Jul 25, 2018 4:14 am

Hi try riding on top/stride him then push back as you do gives more sensation/friction to him
I used to take ages with my GF could go on for hours!
What hes probably not getting is enough sensations to get to the peak for some is hard as can get close but not just quite enough to reach it.

Another thing woman are different down below just like males as even though the holes there it's angled/positioned differently between them.

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Re: Why can't my boyfriend come when penetrating me??

Postby light1313 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:40 am

Maybe he is used to masturbation so prefers a hand job. I would recomend you use lube though, a good handjob needs a good amount of lube. However, truth is that the sensation a vagina, a hand or a mouth provides are all different. There is nothing wrong with you. Seems you are anxious and self conscious because its your first experience but dont be I'm sure you are great. I have had a number of partners and my husband prefers the grip of a hand more than anything else. Everyone is different, so whatever works for both of you is great.

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Re: Why can't my boyfriend come when penetrating me??

Postby Mr.Married » Sat Aug 04, 2018 5:11 pm

Your are WAY WAY WAY over thinking it. I'm sure there is nothing wrong with either of you. One of the most important things to remember is you can't read each others mind.
Have a discussion with him if it is bothering you. He has already told you that your wonderful. Just because he can't orgasm from penetration with you doesn't mean there
is anything wrong. It is possible that he is a bit insensitive down below (as am I)...a firm blow job or hand job always gets me done quicker and sometimes I can't get there
from just penetration. My wife is quite small (and I've always had the hots for her) but that doesn't provide the sensation required sometimes from penetration.

Take a deep breath and relax...it doesn't seem a big issue unless you make it one. I promise he is attracted to you.

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Re: Why can't my boyfriend come when penetrating me??

Postby chirpyaubrey » Sun Mar 24, 2019 9:47 pm

Hi Magnolla please do not feel bad about it, I don't think there's much on your part in this. I have had a similar experience when I was young but then I wouldn't recommend co-relate to its word to word but I think It will relieve you of bad feeling. Just think it to be a possibility. When I was 22 I was dating a guy who had a similar problem and no matter if we go on all night he wouldn't cum inside me. He tried I can tell, for he used to go on and on but only could cum on shagging. We dated for 3 years and it was the same all through and broke-up over other issues. We never contacted each other for several years, later from a common contact I got to know he got homosexual and concluded that probably due to some social dilemma tried to curb it but failed. Please do not connect it to your bf as being gay... that might not be the case even. But you you never know what could be his reason and there's no point feeling any inferiority complex in this matter.
Sorry for TMI... but I guess you'll feel better when you read the full story.

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Re: Why can't my boyfriend come when penetrating me??

Postby curiousladycat » Fri Apr 17, 2020 2:24 pm


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Re: Why can't my boyfriend come when penetrating me??

Postby IMKINKY » Thu Sep 10, 2020 1:12 pm

You can get some fun products for couple for a different experience.. it will give both of you extreme Pleasure and also will help to penetrate easily.
Hope it will help you to overcome your problem.

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