Some honest advice sought

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Woody148067
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Some honest advice sought

Postby Woody148067 » Mon May 04, 2020 4:59 pm

Hi
I really hope I can get some good, honest advice on this forum, I am stuck in my marriage and really want to make things right.
About us, we have been married for just over 20 years now and together for 25. We have 4 lovely kids, three are grown up the other a little younger.
My wife is fairly laid back and the kids tend to talk to her if there is anything sensitive to broach, she then talks to me, she is a good person and I do love her.
Now, about me. I am 49 and have always had an issue with both sex and spending, the two tend to merge together and cause problems that run throughout our marriage. I would say that my issues have stunted the growth of the family although we do lead and have a nice lifestyle, we just don't have our own home or the security that goes with it.
I think my main problem lies with the fact that sex is on my mind most of the time if I see someone attractive in the street I am trying to look at their bum or to see if they have a camel toe (sorry to be crude). My wife isn't stupid and I think resigned herself to the fact that's what I do and in some cases has even commented on women herself, I don't think for one minute she is doing it for herself, it is just to please me, I know this sounds like a cruel thing to do but it's not meant that way.
You are probably thinking where the money problems are going to come into the story, well since I was about 15 I have been buying dirty magazines and videos to help get me off, once I cum I then treat myself to something material to ease the guilt, in my younger years it was clothing and as I have aged it's moved onto electrical and big-ticket items.
As time has passed I have moved into paying for sex, interestingly I don't have penetrative sex as I think that's too personal and I would consider that to be cheating, yes mad I know! Again the process of guilt has seen me spending to make things right.
I have sought help through therapy but on quite a few occasions over the years have ended up W**nking in front of therapists for thrills, don't ask me how I managed to persuade them to allow this but I have, others who wouldn't allow it just fell by the wayside.
As things stand now we have no sex life, I live in the hope that she will start telling me my favorite fantasy to instigate sex but it just doesn't happen, I sit there wanting to broach the subject but know that if I do we will argue. I feel like intimacy is a million miles away and that is incredibly frustrating.
At Christmas, I spoke to one of my female customers who is half my age and divulged my situation, not because I wanted to do anything but because I needed to talk to someone, anyone. During that conversation, she told me how she liked older men and her fantasy was to watch a mature man sniff and wank over her knickers. To be honest, it stuck with me and has become my number one fantasy, I haven't acted on it as my weird sense of what is right and wrong won't allow me.
I suppose the question is what do I do next? I am tempted to talk to my customer and take her up on her offer but know that this will be messy and ultimately I just am not like that, yet I remain sexually frustrated and unable to talk to my wife about the whole situation. What do I do? Please help!




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