Our problem......

Raise your worries within this forum and discuss them with like minded individuals. Get advice from our site 'sexologist
LuckyLeo
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:25 am

Our problem......

Postby LuckyLeo » Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:34 am

I am in a wonderful marriage and my wife and I love each other very much. But we have one little problem in our intimacy I am kind of large in endowment. And my wife, who has never had children and has not had a lot of sexual partners in her life, is kind of small and tight, so full intercourse is nearly impossible for us because it is quite painful and unpleasant for her. We have discussed everything a lot and we considered a reduction surgery for me but neither one of us wants that. But we really want to enjoy a fulfilling sex life together with complete and pleasurable intercourse. Can we please ask some experts and people with experience in this same problem for some helpful advice? What kinds of things can my wife and I do to achieve and enjoy full satisfying intercourse together?

User avatar
Starshine
Regent Empress
Posts: 5551
Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:40 pm
Location: UK

Re: Our problem......

Postby Starshine » Wed Nov 29, 2017 11:44 am

I think it's important to understand that you may well find helpful people on here, but you are unlikely to find experts.

The solution may well be to talk to a doctor or a specialist. There is nothing embarassing about this. Healthy sex lives are important.

Being a woman of a certain age, I have had sex with a fare number of men of different sizes and for me personally, this has never been problem. Women's bodies are both flexible and adaptable. Problems can occur however if the woman us tense or male partner tries to rush in before the woman is ready. Then you need an assertive woman to tell her lover it is too soon.

Has your wife had this problem with others or just you?

So, how long are you spending on foreplay beforehand? How long are you giving oral for before penetration? Two essentials for starters. Remember the clitoris is the prime female sex organ. It is not just about "full satisfying intercourse".

Finally have you tried commercially available lubes?

To repeat though, if this is a medical issue, get it sorted. Good luck. x

User avatar
emilycurious
M'Lady
Posts: 2336
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:11 pm

Re: Our problem......

Postby emilycurious » Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:46 pm

LuckyLeo wrote:I am in a wonderful marriage

This problem never reared it's big head before you got married?
"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them." Attributed to Margaret Atwood.

LuckyLeo
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:25 am

Re: Our problem......

Postby LuckyLeo » Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:30 am

emilycurious wrote:
LuckyLeo wrote:I am in a wonderful marriage

This problem never reared it's big head before you got married?



Yes of course we knew penetrative intercourse was difficult before being married. However as you must know, there's much more to a relationship, a marriage and indeed a human being than just sex. The fact is we are so much in love and are so right and happy together that we are sure we have found our destiny, a miracle that some people live their whole lives and never find no matter how hard they try.

LuckyLeo
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:25 am

Re: Our problem......

Postby LuckyLeo » Thu Nov 30, 2017 1:07 am

Starshine wrote:I think it's important to understand that you may well find helpful people on here, but you are unlikely to find experts.

The solution may well be to talk to a doctor or a specialist. There is nothing embarassing about this. Healthy sex lives are important.

Being a woman of a certain age, I have had sex with a fare number of men of different sizes and for me personally, this has never been problem. Women's bodies are both flexible and adaptable. Problems can occur however if the woman us tense or male partner tries to rush in before the woman is ready. Then you need an assertive woman to tell her lover it is too soon.

Has your wife had this problem with others or just you?

So, how long are you spending on foreplay beforehand? How long are you giving oral for before penetration? Two essentials for starters. Remember the clitoris is the prime female sex organ. It is not just about "full satisfying intercourse".

Finally have you tried commercially available lubes?

To repeat though, if this is a medical issue, get it sorted. Good luck. x


Thanks very much for your helpful reply Starshine. You're not the first to recommend that we talked to a physician, and we have already decided we are going to do that. In the meantime, yes we use a very good quality commercial lube and I also apply it quite liberally. I have brought her to many intense, wonderful orgasms with both oral sex and stimulating her clitoris with my fingers, and we always do this before trying to commence with intercourse. I don't know if she is multi orgasmic but I love her so that I am certainly willing to spend as long as necessary bringing her as much pleasure as needed to make intercourse comfortable and wonderful for her as it should be. For that same reason, I never try to push in before she is ready, I am extremely gentle and patient with her and I'm always sensitive to her comfort. She says she has never had this problem with another partner, but I feel it's relevant to mention two points here.... First, as I said she has only had few partners in her life. Second, and please do forgive me if I risk stereotyping here, she is Asian and from an Asian country and though I'm by no means any expert, it seems Asian men are rumored, in general, to be not usually largely endowed. Now that's not egotism on my part, believe me it's not. All I'm merely saying is just trying to make the point that I am her first Caucasian or western partner and so that could be part of it as well, that's all I mean by that. We are not embarrassed really, just that it's so personal to us we're not particularly comfortable discussing it openly with any friends we happen to know.

User avatar
Starshine
Regent Empress
Posts: 5551
Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:40 pm
Location: UK

Re: Our problem......

Postby Starshine » Thu Nov 30, 2017 8:21 am

I am no medic but I very much doubt the Asian matter is an issue. In the event of pregnancy a baby will fit through! So get yourselves some appropriate medical support! Pronto!

User avatar
Elysa
Master Wizard
Posts: 1952
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 3:26 am

Re: Our problem......

Postby Elysa » Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:10 pm

I think it's wonderful that you having a loving relationship. I can tell by reading your post that you're sensitive to the circumstance. That's beautiful.

I've never had children, I'm small and it's always been an issue for me as well. If I go without penetration for a few weeks, it can feel like I'm losing my virginity again. I've been with larger men who simply couldn't grasp the concept of taking it very slow. I can only tell you my experience and the things I did to help me.

I've always kept a diary of my period. My period was a factor in my situation. I noticed that it was more difficult just before my period, and much easier after. I've also always had an issue with my cervix. Even when it's fully extended, many men have told me that they can still feel it. When it gets hit, it used to cause me pain.

The things that helped me the most was lots of foreplay and lubrication. Any man who was large, didn't have any other choice with me. I also had to relax and breathe. I found a yoga teacher who taught me useful breathing exercises. I use these breathing techniques for everything, not just sex. They help me to manage my anxiety too.

The other thing I discovered was that a lot of the time, it's psychological. (Again, this is my experience). At first, I never felt pain with my fiancee. Then I started to, but only sometimes. And it caused him discomfort sometimes when he hit my cervix. We're pretty sure it stems from our previous marriages. We've been doing a lot of research and exploring together. Now if it hurts, it's to our advantage. Finding the connection between pain and pleasure has opened doors we never thought possible. I always liked a little pain, but we've taken it further. There's no way we could do this with anyone else. This is strictly dependent on having the right partner, in my opinion. Loving each other emotionally the way we do has turned pain/pleasure into a deep connection for us. We created intimacy, trust and vulnerability that we've never felt before, and its healed us. If either of us feels discomfort at a particular moment, we speak up. I'll tell him to thrust harder and deeper. Or he'll pick me up and put me in a 45 degree angle for him to get direct contact. It's fantastic.

This is psychological stuff, but if it could benefit maybe worth a look into.

LuckyLeo
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:25 am

Re: Our problem......

Postby LuckyLeo » Fri Dec 01, 2017 3:05 am

Thank you very much for that helpful reply Elysa, lots of relevant advice there and it has given my wife and I much to talk about and consider.

User avatar
hummerpaar
Newbie
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2018 8:35 pm

Re: Our problem......

Postby hummerpaar » Sat Jul 07, 2018 6:49 pm

LuckyLeo wrote:I am in a wonderful marriage and my wife and I love each other very much. But we have one little problem in our intimacy I am kind of large in endowment. And my wife, who has never had children and has not had a lot of sexual partners in her life, is kind of small and tight, so full intercourse is nearly impossible for us because it is quite painful and unpleasant for her. We have discussed everything a lot and we considered a reduction surgery for me but neither one of us wants that. But we really want to enjoy a fulfilling sex life together with complete and pleasurable intercourse. Can we please ask some experts and people with experience in this same problem for some helpful advice? What kinds of things can my wife and I do to achieve and enjoy full satisfying intercourse together?


Hi LuckyLeo,
we have a similar situation. Although my wife has born two children some 30 years ago her Vagina is still rather tight. This was never a problem, and with good foreplay, toys to ease the way and lots of lube we managed to have excellent sex.
This has all changed in recent years. During her Menopause the mucous membranes in her Vagina became very sensitive. Now her Vaginal membrane skin ruptures almost every time I penetrate. What is paradoxal is that her sex drive has increased significantly since the menopause. She now needs an orgasm at least once a day, where 20 years ago she would be quite happy having sex once a fortnight.
Thankfully we have always loved masturbating, both together and alone. Since a few years we rarely have penetration anymore. Instead we have lots of oral sex and she uses toys, that provided they are not too large, really smooth and well lubed, work well for her. Masturbation is now in a way the only form of sex that we have. We have gotten used to it and are quite happy the way things are. In some respect our sex life is as good as it ever was, in any event we are having sex every day now and that used to be quite different.
I am a man and happily married for 38 years. My wife and I love sex and we are very active. Actually never more active before in our lives. As we get more mature, we discover new things and new pleasures. Looking 4 new pleasures and share.
.

chirpyaubrey
Private Dancer (can now PM!)
Posts: 90
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2017 7:27 am

Re: Our problem......

Postby chirpyaubrey » Sat Oct 27, 2018 5:47 am

Hi, your concern is natural. Do not hurry rush. A female body is not flexible. They need to adopt the changes slowly. You need to apply a different process to make her get aroused. Have you tries of foreplay? remember clitoris is the main thing by which women get aroused. You need to understand her what makes her feel sexier. Maybe an oral can help.

User avatar
Starshine
Regent Empress
Posts: 5551
Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:40 pm
Location: UK

Re: Our problem......

Postby Starshine » Mon Oct 29, 2018 8:51 am

chirpyaubrey wrote:A female body is not flexible. .


Not so! The female body is indeed very flexible.

User avatar
Elysa
Master Wizard
Posts: 1952
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 3:26 am

Re: Our problem......

Postby Elysa » Sun Nov 11, 2018 6:13 pm

Starshine wrote:
chirpyaubrey wrote:A female body is not flexible. .


Not so! The female body is indeed very flexible.


Starshine is correct. It's more flexible and adaptable than people think. If sexually immature men stopped to get into our minds as well as our pants they'd know this. Mature men (or good lovers as they're also known as) are already quite aware.


Return to “Health - Sexual”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest