a little dream on usual thing

Do you have Weird Dreams and wonder what they mean? Discuss them here
underwateroversky
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a little dream on usual thing

Postby underwateroversky » Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:21 pm

Hello kind people! Hope your dream already came true or you’re at least close to fulfill it soon.
Even if it’s not so, I hope your life is brilliant without dreams.
Maybe when I was six years old and my childish desires were to reach the space I didn’t know what expected for me in the future.
When I was in college I dreamt to become a political figure. Then when my life was a little bit more adult and I started thinking of different tough things I found out about my infertility.
Before I didn’t use my fertile function but one day I felt how it hurts to not have it inside.
Now I’m dreaming of having a baby. It’s my true aim! I don’t want to become anyone more than I’m now. However, I feel I’m kinda nothing without a baby.
If you don’t understand I’ll understand you. It’s my short story of life.
Good night or evening or morning whatever you have my friends! Good luck!

soridall
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Re: a little dream on usual thing

Postby soridall » Fri May 18, 2018 8:31 pm

Hi your story was so special. I want to express my thrilling. Yeah, it’s quite short…
Maybe it’s not informative enough to get whole sense. No, I’m wrong. The sense is on the surface.
Ant this makes it even more touching. I understand your torture. You dreamt of things you don’t need now.
In fact it’s irony of age demand. You are 5 and you want to have Barbie house. You are 30 and all your dreams are about children.
You just can’t find the answer. Where were all these years lost? I had much fun reading some stories recently.
On one forum I found a long thread dedicated to specific topic. It’s urgent always. However for me it’s at least ironical.
I’m 14 and I’m pregnant. How can I tell my mom? I’m 13 and I pregnant with twins. What should I do?
I’m 12 and I’m ready to carry a baby. Who can become a dad? I was laughing madly.
I’m afraid it wasn’t normal laugh. I’m 35 and I can’t ever get pregnant. What should I do?
Who wants to be informed firs? If god sends me a baby I’ll be shouting all around. Whole glove will get known.
Actually for me it was just amusing time. Those girls are really confused. I think I’d made an abortion if I was pregnant in 14.
I’d kill myself today if I committed that S*** 21 years ago. Some of threads were created 7 years ago.
That means their boys or girls already attend school. It is so lovely. Now it’s not a problem any longer.
They are experienced moms. Their children can’t know they had all chances disappear. Mommy called them a problem and mistake.
I swear I envy them with all my heart. My life could be absolutely different in case… in case I got pregnant when I was 15 or even 25.

soridall
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Re: a little dream on usual thing

Postby soridall » Fri May 18, 2018 8:37 pm

Why do I write it here? I’m not insane. It’s not the way I usually make friends.
I was touched twice today. For the first time it was on that forum. The second one happened to me on your page.
Hope you are doing better since it was posted. Perhaps you are not. I just wanted to share some thought.
Now I’m okay. No, actually I’m not. I have to plan unpleasant deals for the future.
I can’t create an adequate attitude. My next step must be surrogacy. It’ll happen on June 5th.

underwateroversky
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Re: a little dream on usual thing

Postby underwateroversky » Fri May 18, 2018 8:43 pm

Good evening dear! It was really lovely to hear from you. I didn’t expect for sudden reply.
I was browsing through the forums. I read a lot before noticed your comment. Thank you for it.
I relate to that strange feeling you’ve got. I actually didn’t send mush time thinking about these things. However, your point is pretty understandable.
I’d also prefer to have baby when I was 14. a lot of troubles would not bother me now. In fact there would be the other issues related to life with grown up children.
What is your matter? Why do you have to apply for surrogacy? Why 5th of June?

soridall
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Re: a little dream on usual thing

Postby soridall » Fri May 18, 2018 8:59 pm

Thank you for quick response. It wasn’t expected. So, we both envy teens with belly. Alright!
We don’t live with my husband together. He’s American. And also he lives there in the US.
He serves in army. The 4th June it must be his vacation. We don’t live together as I said but he knows my problems.
Last moths I had my 10th IVF failed. It was enough at all. That’s the end of story I started 6 years ago.
My husband broke up with me because this stuff. He is a strong sappy man. He just was exhausted with my hard mood.
I seemed like his disease. I was sucking his money and blood like vampire. Someone had to stop it.
He did it by himself. We still keep in touch. It will be his last contribution.
He agreed to be present with me at the consultation. He relatively will take part in my journey. Wow, I forgot.
He will cover all expenses. My next destination is L.A. let angels help me this time!
I don’t consider it like my lucky time. I’m not ready for surrogacy yet. The one thing making me calm is that maybe I’ll be able to give good eggs after stimulation.
I had lining pathology. My endometrium looks like the minefield. Year by year it get worse.
We started with my husband. These were two years of sexual challenge. Honestly, we had been doing our best.
The lining seemed almost okay. It was relevant for implantation. Therefore we had first 5 cycles full of hope.
The result was S***. My womb wasn’t a place for pregnancy. It’s unsettling and mortifying body part.
It’s my first surrogacy experience. It’d better to think over. Anyway I can’t stand it anymore.

underwateroversky
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Re: a little dream on usual thing

Postby underwateroversky » Fri May 18, 2018 9:26 pm

That sounds not well. How do you cope with it? The number of attempts is shocking indeed.
Perhaps it was right decision to stop it. I’m sure in that. You know that your lining’s condition declines with each next try.
I could do only brave or mad person. It’s painful. I hope it’ll bring your peace after all.
There’s only doubt I got, I think it’s not good to start without readiness. Surrogacy is also challenging hard process. It takes much nerve.
What does scare you? Your husband is maybe regular guy. He just wanted to have full life.
You better than most people know infertility affects our lives. It changes totally. I guess He was afraid of losing reality.
That’s noble deed from his side to help you. Support will be needed doubtlessly. You have to hold on and be stronger than ever.
You said L.A. seems your ex has good money. For example I can’t afford such an option. It’s really expensive for me.
I don’t think you found discount offer. Have you considered many options at all? I guess it didn’t matter for you.
The one thing is awesome. You’ll be genetically related to your baby. It can be one baby or two at once.
It’ll be such a double compensation for all that S*** you had taken. I meet many stories by infertile women. They are really different.
I know all people have their own identities varying them from each other. Anyway we can see one similar line and plot. We crave to have a baby.
Sometimes girls lose the feeling of desire. They don’t want to become parent any longer. Their goal is just to win.
They hate their infertility. They want defeating the enemy. But that’s not sports.
It’s important to not forget it one day. Unfortunately I know those who looked at their newborns. They felt nothing towards them.
They wasted all feelings while fighting for unknown purpose.

kawai
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Re: a little dream on usual thing

Postby kawai » Fri May 18, 2018 9:38 pm

Thank you for support. Yeah, my anxiety relates to my frustration. I didn’t decide completely yet.
It’s such an offer I can’t refuse. I don’t afford it on my own as well. No, I didn’t.
It wasn’t even an hour I was sitting and learning about clinics. I just knew it could help me. He said there was a clinic with perfect reviews in L.A.
We keep in touch. That’s true. I used to call him after another IFV failed.
It’s such a tradition. I hate this. However I always do it automatically.
I’m grateful to him. He always picks up the phone. For more than 2 years he’s been living with girl.
I believe when she gets pregnant I’ll put a bullet into my head. It’ll be the final straw. Even thinking of it I want finding a gun.
My main doubt against surrogacy takes my sleep off. All my last years I was trying hard to start carrying a baby. Now another lady has to replace me.
I know it’s the meaning of surrogacy. But for me it means weirdness. Will my baby call me a mother? Who knows?
Anyway I have to go. I’m packing my bags. Don’t leave your posts alone because I’m wandering nearby.


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