Hi y’all this ended up a lot longer than planned sorry also on my phone so sorry for typos.
so I’m mostly just gonna rant here but i also very much want advice on how to deal with the situation. I’d especially like advice from women with daughters in law or Navajos to help me see her perspective a bit better.
Background: my fiancé and I have been living together (with other roommates) for a little under a year and a half. Years ago he made a promise to his mom to help her move down into the city by getting an apartment with her and then moving out to his own place once she had a job and was steady. 4months ago an apartment in the complex she insisted on opens up (refused to move down if it was any other apartment). So we get it. After an idyllic summer of just the two of us (we had roommates before) last month mom in law to be and sister in law to be moved in.
My fiancé knows what is going on but doesn’t have a confrontational bone in his body. He agrees that she is being a Bleet to me, but isn’t able to do anything about it. And we’re stuck living with her till next June cause all 4of us are on the lease. But it’s gotten to the point where neither of us really want to leave our room when she’s in the common areas of the apartment so we don’t have to deal with her.
She hates me. When Fiance is in the room with us she does the minimum amount to be civil but when he’s not she’s not even civil.
Most of the time she completely ignores me and pretends she can’t hear me. I offered her and sis cookies sis said sure. mom says nothing, sis says to mom “mom ___ is offerings you a cookie do you want one” mom looks straight at me turns to sis and says “no I’ll have ice cream later”
When she does acknowledge my existence it is to glare sneer or snap at me. I have tried to be nice to her. I offer her food when I manage to be in the kitchen long enough to bake. And I clean up after myself and keep my things nice and neat out of her way in the fridge. Then she lies to to fiancé and says I leave a mess. Fiancé and I agree that she seems to want me to clean up after her and his sister. But is nasty to me anytime I try to go out there and do anything so even if I wanted too, how would I clean up after them. Honestly if she was grateful the few times I did clean their stuff or if she just treated me like a decent human being I totally wouldn’t mind cleaning up after them.
She also complains that I don’t make fiancé lunch for work or cook for him other times (which before she came I did at least half the time). But she complains to him if I do anything in the kitchen or she is already making him food when I go out there to make it so how the heck am I supposed to cook for him.
I’ve been looking for a job since we moved but don’t have a car and so not many are willing to hire me and I missed summer hiring season anyway. However my dad gives me money for groceries. She’s not employed either but If she's been looking for a job she knows what I've been struggling with for months. But she continuously complains to my fiancé that I don’t contribute to the household AT ALL. Everything except fiancé’s game systems is at minimum partially owned by me. The living room furniture she uses on a daily basis was given to us as a couple and are therefore joint owned and everything else like the dishes and decorations and some other furniture I brought to the relationship paid for with my own money.
She is very manipulative and attempted to throw away both our polar pop drink containers (because “thats too much soda to be drinking) and when fiancé went and got them out of the trash box in the car he lets her use, she threw a hissy fit and locked herself in her room refusing to answer until they were out of the apartment the day before rent was due the one month that she had told fiancé she had half her share of rent to pay. Fiancé hid them in his trunk. So I don’t get to use the drink container I paid $15 for. Honestly if she paid me $10 I’d let her throw it away. The straw is a little damaged and the nicer one I want is only $8. She also threw away the brown bananas in the freezer I had saved to make banana bread with.
So recently she bought a key to the complex gym ($30 needed between 5pm and 9am) and refused to let me borrow it to access the bathroom while waiting for fiancé and my laundry to be done. She's perfectly fine using my dishes and throwing away my food but doesn't want to let me use her key to go to the bathroom. A medication I'm on causes a side effect where I very suddenly have to have explosive diarrhea. I actually S*** myself because I couldn't walk back to the apartment fast enough a few weeks ago (4min walk that’s how bad this is). I literally started walking back soon as i felt the need but S*** myself at the bottom of the stairs. I don't need the key much longer as my body is adjusting to the meds I've only had to suddenly use the bathroom once a day this week when before it was multiple times a day and I'm no longer super dehydrated. Her response when fiancé asked if I could use the key tonight her response to him was that she paid for it and I don’t contribute to the household in any way so I shouldn’t get to use it.
I just feel like if she wants to keep things that separate she should no longer be allowed to use anything I paid for. Cause she’s not paying rent either, and doesn’t clean up my stuff. What she complains I do that is “not contributing” is not pay rent and clean up her stuff. And I should be allowed to use things I bought with my own money whenever I like such as my polar pop container. What am I supposed to do when my job starts cause she's gonna throw a fit about the jug but I need something to drink at work and on the bike ride to work.
Swap stories and tips
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