Getting over disagreements quicker

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Giraffe76
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Feb 25, 2018 11:48 am

Getting over disagreements quicker

Postby Giraffe76 » Fri Jan 18, 2019 4:24 pm

Hi all,

Can anyone tell me the best way to get over or past arguments that i have with my wife.

We dont have massive arguments where we shout and scream at each other as we always have tried to talk to each other but if we do have a disagreement or an argument it would probably be what alot of other people call small or minor disagreements.

My wife seems to be able to forget about it and move on quite quickly whereas i seem to hold onto it for hours if not a day or so.

Whatever people can suggest id be very grateful

Kind regards Mark

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Elysa
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Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 3:26 am

Re: Getting over disagreements quicker

Postby Elysa » Sun Jan 20, 2019 5:51 am

"Getting over" isn't how you should approach the subject. People are human and they argue, it will always happen and cannot be avoided. Instead, learn from it. Arguing is a reflection of ourselves rather than the person we argue with. Nine times out of ten, we find ourselves being at odds with another person due to our own insecurities or fears. Have you ever tried to argue with yourself in a mirror? It's ridiculous. It's also interesting. It's difficult for us to confess to ourselves our own personal problems and face them. We must face them. It's crucial that face ourselves if we want a successful relationship. "Getting over it" leads to indifference, and indifference will kill the people we love.

Arguing is tricky, because while can uncover the true colors of a person, it can also mask their real intensions. Arguing can also be very very intimate. Sometimes we argue with the people we love the most...it's not always pleasant, but it's necessary. We need to pay attention to the frequency, intensity and reasons for our arguments.

It's not childish to ask, "Who started it?". "Who started it?" is a valid and important question to ask. It should not be ignored. Whoever's starting the arguments is following a pattern that should not be treated as trivial. It's a huge reflection of the person inside.

Just remember, we say a lot of things we don't mean when our blood is hot...however, we also say things we've been wanting to say but haven't otherwise. Talk about the arguments you have with your partner. Put your cards on the table and make sure they are laying their cards as well. Analyzing why you fight is an activity for two, and that's what makes it intimate. Intimacy must grow and never die out in a relationship.

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light1313
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Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2016 12:40 am

Re: Getting over disagreements quicker

Postby light1313 » Sat May 25, 2019 7:00 pm

Elysa wrote:"Getting over" isn't how you should approach the subject. People are human and they argue, it will always happen and cannot be avoided. Instead, learn from it. Arguing is a reflection of ourselves rather than the person we argue with. Nine times out of ten, we find ourselves being at odds with another person due to our own insecurities or fears. Have you ever tried to argue with yourself in a mirror? It's ridiculous. It's also interesting. It's difficult for us to confess to ourselves our own personal problems and face them. We must face them. It's crucial that face ourselves if we want a successful relationship. "Getting over it" leads to indifference, and indifference will kill the people we love.

Arguing is tricky, because while can uncover the true colors of a person, it can also mask their real intensions. Arguing can also be very very intimate. Sometimes we argue with the people we love the most...it's not always pleasant, but it's necessary. We need to pay attention to the frequency, intensity and reasons for our arguments.

It's not childish to ask, "Who started it?". "Who started it?" is a valid and important question to ask. It should not be ignored. Whoever's starting the arguments is following a pattern that should not be treated as trivial. It's a huge reflection of the person inside.

Just remember, we say a lot of things we don't mean when our blood is hot...however, we also say things we've been wanting to say but haven't otherwise. Talk about the arguments you have with your partner. Put your cards on the table and make sure they are laying their cards as well. Analyzing why you fight is an activity for two, and that's what makes it intimate. Intimacy must grow and never die out in a relationship.


Agree. But saying things we dont mean when our blood is hot is something that should be avoided (Im talking about insults) if we are planning to make up afterwards and keep seeing that person. My father in law gave us a rule that if it should happen we should apologise as soon as possible, its not worth it. But saying or blurting out somethings in that heat of the moment that we have been waiting to say but havent otherwise is a really important matter. My husband says that if there is a problem or something you are not happy about, you should say it right there and then not wait for a heated arguement to blurt it out. He says its what kills relationships and comunication; But I admit to doing this. Sometimes I dont want to say something right there and then, cause I just want to be nice and avoid unpleasantness, or I think its not a right time to say it or something then it does come out during a heated arguement when the sack gets too heavy to carry. These are good to analyze.


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