What should I do!?

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sadgirlfriend1028
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Joined: Wed Jul 12, 2017 7:32 am

What should I do!?

Postby sadgirlfriend1028 » Wed Jul 12, 2017 7:49 am

Hi everyone, this is my first post and doing such is not in my character. I'll get down to basics as to why I'm here and hopefully some smart women will help me! I've had a boyfriend for 1 year now. Pretty serious; lives with me, fathers my son, we have a good life together etc. We have a wedding coming up in a few days and his ex girlfriend will be there. They broke up 3 years ago after she cheated on him but they still remain friends. Key point:
1. This is a wedding for HIS FRIENDS.
Whenever we go out together he usually ditches me to hangout with his friends, whatever i'm not picky but this wedding is a big deal for those 2 reasons- he always leaves me and his ex girlfriend will be there. I'm super uncomfortable right now but this day isn't about me. I was invited by the bride and groom and him. I guess my questions are:
1. If he starts doing that, should I just leave?
2. Should I even be this uncomfortable?
3. Should I even waste my time by going?
4. Should I be worried?
Really thinking I should just leave if I start feeling like that because i'm tired of being second in everything. He can hangout with his friends but once i'm awkwardly left alone for hours I start to feel unwelcome. Please help

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light1313
High Priestess
Posts: 950
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2016 12:40 am

Re: What should I do!?

Postby light1313 » Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:27 am

Well you are right he shouldnt be doing that. Its all right for him to hang out with his friends but if you go somewhere together then you should be together. First of all its rude; even if he hangs around his friends he should include you aswell; be assertive and join them if you need to, but he really shouldnt be excluding you in the first place. Speak to him about it.
I wouldnt worry about the ex-girlfriend.

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Elysa
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Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 3:26 am

Re: What should I do!?

Postby Elysa » Wed Jul 12, 2017 7:26 pm

I would feel uncomfortable being left alone at a wedding, but I hate weddings.

You're doing him a favor, this is how I would approach.
-Tell him you're not bothered about being left alone for his friends on other occasions (as you already stated, fair enough)
-BUT, on this occasion, you'd appreciate it if he didn't leave your side or left alone. It's a wedding and you'll be surrounded by strangers, this is the polite and sensitive thing for him to do for you.
-Who cares about the ex-girlfriend, don't let that bother you. She's an ex for a reason. It doesn't matter why they broke-up, it's none of your business. If they want to remain friends, that's their right. Her presence doesn't factor into this situation, so put her off to the side of your concerns.
-When dealing with my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends (he has a lot), I've have found more often than not, they are nice, friendly women and end up becoming my friend. (His ex-wife, not so much. That's another story. lol.)
-Don't forget to indulge in the bar, hopefully it's an open one. Have fun and don't worry too much.

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Elysa
Master Wizard
Posts: 1931
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 3:26 am

Re: What should I do!?

Postby Elysa » Wed Jul 12, 2017 7:41 pm

One more thing...

Dress to the nines. Look fabulous and sexy. Hold your head high and proud. I remember attending a wedding once with my ex-husband in London a few years back. Two or three of his ex-girlfriends and school chums were there. I was intimidated and scared like you wouldn't believe. I put on my best tight dress, sexiest shoes and my best humble yet alluring attitude. People were approaching him left and right saying, "Who is this??". And his grin was ear to ear. One of his uncles actually said to him, "This isn't your wife, she's way out of your league". It was a fun night.

sadgirlfriend1028
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jul 12, 2017 7:32 am

Re: What should I do!?

Postby sadgirlfriend1028 » Wed Jul 12, 2017 8:33 pm

Thanks everyone! Definitely helped and trust me, I have the nicest dress to wear ;)

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Elysa
Master Wizard
Posts: 1931
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 3:26 am

Re: What should I do!?

Postby Elysa » Wed Jul 12, 2017 9:20 pm

sadgirlfriend1028 wrote:Thanks everyone! Definitely helped and trust me, I have the nicest dress to wear ;)


Awesome. You're going to look fabulous, I've no doubt.

Kill 'em with kindness. During the wedding toast, give yourself a little silent toast for being a brave person. You deserve it.

Jean-Louise
FF Royalty
Posts: 3281
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2015 7:55 pm

Re: What should I do!?

Postby Jean-Louise » Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:29 am

sadgirlfriend1028 wrote:Hi everyone, this is my first post and doing such is not in my character. I'll get down to basics as to why I'm here and hopefully some smart women will help me! I've had a boyfriend for 1 year now. Pretty serious; lives with me, fathers my son, we have a good life together etc. We have a wedding coming up in a few days and his ex girlfriend will be there. They broke up 3 years ago after she cheated on him but they still remain friends. Key point:
1. This is a wedding for HIS FRIENDS.
Whenever we go out together he usually ditches me to hangout with his friends, whatever i'm not picky but this wedding is a big deal for those 2 reasons- he always leaves me and his ex girlfriend will be there. I'm super uncomfortable right now but this day isn't about me. I was invited by the bride and groom and him. I guess my questions are:
1. If he starts doing that, should I just leave?
2. Should I even be this uncomfortable?
3. Should I even waste my time by going?
4. Should I be worried?
Really thinking I should just leave if I start feeling like that because i'm tired of being second in everything. He can hangout with his friends but once i'm awkwardly left alone for hours I start to feel unwelcome. Please help


You need to straighten this guy out.
Or just walk away and not look back.

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Mr B
Queen
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Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:46 pm
Location: By the River Tay

Re: What should I do!?

Postby Mr B » Fri Jul 14, 2017 8:48 am

Your bf is a colossal dick if you leaves you for any length of time if you don't know other people there (or aren't that close to them)
Your opinion is wrong.

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Elysa
Master Wizard
Posts: 1931
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 3:26 am

Re: What should I do!?

Postby Elysa » Tue Jul 18, 2017 10:55 pm

I'm getting from the OP that she's not bothered about her bf spending time with his friends. But, maybe I've misinterpreted.

She did use the phrase "ditches me", which suggests some resentment but, she also said she's not picky. BUT, she used the word "whatever" as an interjection. Again, showing resentment.

So, I'm thinking I did misinterpret. I'm curious how much of an issue this is for her. The wedding worry seemed a bit too superfluous now that I think about it. Also, there's an obvious concern about the ex-girlfriend in there.


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