Should I open up and tell her?

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olderbi
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Should I open up and tell her?

Postby olderbi » Thu May 10, 2018 4:58 am

I'm withdrawing this post. You have all answered my question. Thank you
Last edited by olderbi on Fri May 11, 2018 10:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Tina TV
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby Tina TV » Thu May 10, 2018 7:08 am

Hi,

Firstly not the married woman but a married man who has possibly lived the other half of the marriage you might have had. My wife has always known about my other interests.

Be very very careful about what you do and say at this point. You have had a long and successful marriage, but the secrets you have kept and for how long could make it extremely fragile.

Two things to concider. One, do you really think you've managed to keep this secret from someone who has lived with you for fifty years, or is she turning a tollerant blind eye to something she doesn't officially know about ? Two, what do you think you will achieve. It's not like she's gonna instantly turn around and give you permission to run off and play.

Any revealation at this point is gonna cause a lot of hurt. Suspecting something and knowing offically can be very different, she may feel forced to react in some "socially acceptable" way, and that won't be pretty.

If you must, try introducing the idea that you use to play both sides in the distant past before you met her. Do it carefully, then sit back and give her a couple of years to think about it and adjust her feelings before going further.

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light1313
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby light1313 » Thu May 10, 2018 12:04 pm

I think you are obviousely bisexual. After hiding it for so many years why do you want to tell your wife now? İs it to rid yourself of guilt? İs it so she gives you permission to have sex with other men?
Reality is you are 72 years old, what do you expect to happen after this age? If you are not seeking an emotional bond with another man and sharing sexual and emotional intimacy within a relationship but just like the touch of a man I think the masseur solution seems the most harmless one at the moment.
As to how I would feel if my husband told me something like this. I honestly cant get myself to imagine. I would be curious and I would try to understand him but I would be upset he hid this from me for all those years, and no I wouldnt be very happy with it. Taking that she is conservative in these matters you are likely to get a bad reaction. As I say if you stil want to endulge in these things going to a masseur as you did in the past may be the most harmless solution. I think the boundaries are more limited its just for a duration of a session with a “happy ending” which extends the massage to include further body parts. That would mess me up less.

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emilycurious
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby emilycurious » Thu May 10, 2018 1:53 pm

olderbi wrote:I'm an older guy, 72...My wife and I have been married (happily) for almost 50 years.

I have absolutely no sympathy for you or you situation - you have lied to your wife for 50 years and now you want some sort of absolution?
She deserves better than this after putting up with you for so long.
Why not just keep sneaking around in - ick! - public toilets, until you get arrested or have a heart attack...
"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them." Attributed to Margaret Atwood.

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Lady J 624
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby Lady J 624 » Thu May 10, 2018 8:46 pm

Yeah, the lying over such a long period would get me.
"I love it when a plan comes together."

olderbi
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby olderbi » Fri May 11, 2018 1:25 am

emilycurious wrote:
olderbi wrote:I'm an older guy, 72...My wife and I have been married (happily) for almost 50 years.

I have absolutely no sympathy for you or you situation - you have lied to your wife for 50 years and now you want some sort of absolution?
She deserves better than this after putting up with you for so long.
Why not just keep sneaking around in - ick! - public toilets, until you get arrested or have a heart attack...


Thanks for helping me answer the question.
Last edited by olderbi on Fri May 11, 2018 10:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.

olderbi
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby olderbi » Fri May 11, 2018 1:28 am

Lady J 624 wrote:Yeah, the lying over such a long period would get me.


As far as lying to her all these years, well I didn't really see it like that. It might be naive but I hadn't considered I might be bi-sexual in those days and each encounter unplanned and impromptu. As I said, after each I regretted them and that's why they didn't continue.

olderbi
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby olderbi » Fri May 11, 2018 1:31 am

light1313 wrote:I think you are obviousely bisexual. After hiding it for so many years why do you want to tell your wife now? İs it to rid yourself of guilt? İs it so she gives you permission to have sex with other men?
Reality is you are 72 years old, what do you expect to happen after this age? If you are not seeking an emotional bond with another man and sharing sexual and emotional intimacy within a relationship but just like the touch of a man I think the masseur solution seems the most harmless one at the moment.
As to how I would feel if my husband told me something like this. I honestly cant get myself to imagine. I would be curious and I would try to understand him but I would be upset he hid this from me for all those years, and no I wouldnt be very happy with it. Taking that she is conservative in these matters you are likely to get a bad reaction. As I say if you stil want to endulge in these things going to a masseur as you did in the past may be the most harmless solution. I think the boundaries are more limited its just for a duration of a session with a “happy ending” which extends the massage to include further body parts. That would mess me up less.


Thanks mate and I suspect you're right.

olderbi
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby olderbi » Fri May 11, 2018 1:33 am

Tina TV wrote:Hi,

Firstly not the married woman but a married man who has possibly lived the other half of the marriage you might have had. My wife has always known about my other interests.

Be very very careful about what you do and say at this point. You have had a long and successful marriage, but the secrets you have kept and for how long could make it extremely fragile.


Great advice and I believe your right. There's nothing in telling her for either of us except the potential for a world of pain.

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Lady J 624
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby Lady J 624 » Fri May 11, 2018 2:19 am

olderbi wrote:
Lady J 624 wrote:Yeah, the lying over such a long period would get me.


As far as lying to her all these years, well I didn't really see it like that. It might be naive but I hadn't considered I might be bi-sexual in those days and each encounter unplanned and impromptu. As I said, after each I regretted them and that's why they didn't continue.


:lol: As impromptu as they may have been you still hid all this from her, and I'm guessing lied to cover it up. And it's a pattern. You do it, feel bad, stop, wait, repeat.
"I love it when a plan comes together."

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emilycurious
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby emilycurious » Fri May 11, 2018 1:02 pm

olderbi wrote:after each I regretted them and that's why they didn't continue.

And yet there were more "after eachs".
Dude I get it, I have a problem with being faithful even when I'm in a perfect relation.
And I don't want to be ageist here, but you are old, and she gave you 50 years. You owe her. You owe her her happiness in her twilight years.
So fuçk around, just don't get caught.
"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them." Attributed to Margaret Atwood.

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Lady J 624
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby Lady J 624 » Fri May 11, 2018 1:42 pm

Emily is right. You would be a selfish dick to stop lying now.
"I love it when a plan comes together."

olderbi
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby olderbi » Fri May 11, 2018 10:08 pm

I've got the message ladies. You've really helped me. Thank you.
It's difficult to convey the reality in a forum such as this... so I'll bid you all farewell.

olderbi
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby olderbi » Fri May 11, 2018 10:12 pm

emilycurious wrote:
olderbi wrote:after each I regretted them and that's why they didn't continue.

And yet there were more "after eachs".
Dude I get it, I have a problem with being faithful even when I'm in a perfect relation.
And I don't want to be ageist here, but you are old, and she gave you 50 years. You owe her. You owe her her happiness in her twilight years.
So fuçk around, just don't get caught.


I totally agree with your view and response and thanks for the frank and honest reply's. :D
As I said, it's very hard to tell it like it really is... to explain emotions etc.

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Elysa
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Re: Should I open up and tell her?

Postby Elysa » Sun May 20, 2018 10:14 pm

He deleted the first post. What did he do???

Someone give me the dirt. pretty please.

All I'm getting from replies is that he's either been bending over or giving reach arounds to other men while being in a marriage to a woman for 50 years...who is none the wiser.

What else?


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