Why is he only rude to me?

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emilycurious
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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby emilycurious » Fri May 11, 2018 3:09 pm

Don't go all the way. You'll regret it.
I missed how old you are but you sound young, so just dump this fuçker and start having a good life with someone else.
It's a learning process, and unfortunately you are going to break up, and be heart broken a few more times before you meet your soul mate.
Find some one else who makes you feel appreciated for everything about you.
You won't find him (or her) tomorrow, or maybe for a year, but when you do you'll know that it's special.
I don't know what love is, I'm still trying to work it out myself, but I think if you can't be sure you are in love, then you probably aren't.
And even so, just being in love with someone may not be enough either. It's complicated!
So if the love sign post isn't pointing you in the right direction, think about your happiness. Are you happy? And I don't think you are, and you very much deserve to be.
“There's a fine line between giving constructive advice and just having a bad personality.” Queen Elysa

ayla13
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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby ayla13 » Sat May 12, 2018 1:40 am

UKGent wrote:
ayla13 wrote:ye your right. everything is about him and his wants and needs. who knows how he held down a relationship previously for fouur years.

I'll give you an example I used to ask him why he doesn't speak to me in an affectionate way like how couples do with one another, he just said thr physical intimacy isn't there so therefore he can't be that way with me. so to clarify we havnt gone all the way and that's what he goes on about lik 90% of the time

I mean what kept me going.with him is all the . and jokes we have together, he has his good moments but then obviously he can b quite disrespectful and horrible at times too in between the good, as you can see.from thr.stuff I listed in the original post. so that's why I'm torn. . before we dated we were purely.friends fr years and I didn't see any of this bad stuff thrn. in fact he used.to do Me a lot of favours back then and helped me with other things believe It or not.


The good side in him does not compensate for the bad side in him. All too often you see couples in relationships like yours, you see the guy being nasty to the woman and you ask her, 'why are you still with him?' and the usual response comes back 'i love him, i know there is good him in, i stay to get it out of him'. When you probe a bit further you find the woman is also still with the guy because it is easier to try and work with something you have rather than leave and have to start the dating game all over again.

The warning signs in your relationship are there, it's obvious to see. So is that one of the reasons why you do not want to leave him because you are afraid of being alone again and having to do the dating thing all over again and that scares you?

This site has numerous posts from women who have gone through very similar things as you are doing now. You read them and they all have the same outcome, they left there nasty unaffectionate partner and found happiness with someone else. It's not easy, life and relationships are not supposed to be easy. If you are content to put up with his nastiness for the small amount of goodness you sometimes get, then stay with him but if you feel you deserve better then leave.

I think it's because I overlook his bad behaviour beca use in comparison to the.good times it is infrequent, so I forget about it. or maybe I just don't hang out with him enough so I don't see it. because before thr holiday we would see each other once every couple of weeks even. Oh I dunno I don't remember him being like this at the very beginning it's like he's progressed into being a horrible person. befre he showed a lot of humanity and that he cared about me, he would always be looking out for me when he thought others were taking advantage and he'd care if I got ill, he would be nice to me.

im not scared of starting to date again since when me.and this guy were on.and off on breaks I did see other people. but he always ends up coming back to me or.vice versa I guess it's just the familiarity. I think dating is .an effort though and starting all over again is just not a great prospect.

ayla13
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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby ayla13 » Sat May 12, 2018 1:54 am

emilycurious wrote:Don't go all the way. You'll regret it.
I missed how old you are but you sound young, so just dump this fuçker and start having a good life with someone else.
It's a learning process, and unfortunately you are going to break up, and be heart broken a few more times before you meet your soul mate.
Find some one else who makes you feel appreciated for everything about you.
You won't find him (or her) tomorrow, or maybe for a year, but when you do you'll know that it's special.
I don't know what love is, I'm still trying to work it out myself, but I think if you can't be sure you are in love, then you probably aren't.
And even so, just being in love with someone may not be enough either. It's complicated!
So if the love sign post isn't pointing you in the right direction, think about your happiness. Are you happy? And I don't think you are, and you very much deserve to be.

he doesn't let off on the sexual stuff. literally that's what he tries to persade me.to do constantly. I feel like he tries to manipulate me into it by saying things like he will buy me presents and be more affectionate with me if we did that. he wanted to do it abroad, and before we went away I said oh can u buy me that branded top i was just testing him to see what he says and he basically said "if you deserve it I will" what he meant by that Is if I go all the way with him

btw he's 30 this year and I'm a bit younger in my mid twenties.

I can't speak for him if he loves me or not , as for me I thought I did but then I keep thinking sometimes he makes It very hard for me to do that.

Oh and guess what he messaged me today and sent me a link to a instagram video of a woman who was acting a but slutty she was pouting and pretty much had her chest sticking out in the camera, n he sent the link and said tell me the song. because while she ws pouting there was some song in the background. n I just thought to myself so while he was insulting my appearance on holiday now we are back home he's on an instagram page full of slutty women who have their boobs out and butts out. literally I checked that whole page it was just full of women really, looking like ladies of the night.
and he had the balls.to send me that link

I just totally ignored him

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UKGent
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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby UKGent » Sat May 12, 2018 11:21 am

ayla13 wrote:
emilycurious wrote:Don't go all the way. You'll regret it.
I missed how old you are but you sound young, so just dump this fuçker and start having a good life with someone else.
It's a learning process, and unfortunately you are going to break up, and be heart broken a few more times before you meet your soul mate.
Find some one else who makes you feel appreciated for everything about you.
You won't find him (or her) tomorrow, or maybe for a year, but when you do you'll know that it's special.
I don't know what love is, I'm still trying to work it out myself, but I think if you can't be sure you are in love, then you probably aren't.
And even so, just being in love with someone may not be enough either. It's complicated!
So if the love sign post isn't pointing you in the right direction, think about your happiness. Are you happy? And I don't think you are, and you very much deserve to be.

he doesn't let off on the sexual stuff. literally that's what he tries to persade me.to do constantly. I feel like he tries to manipulate me into it by saying things like he will buy me presents and be more affectionate with me if we did that. he wanted to do it abroad, and before we went away I said oh can u buy me that branded top i was just testing him to see what he says and he basically said "if you deserve it I will" what he meant by that Is if I go all the way with him

btw he's 30 this year and I'm a bit younger in my mid twenties.

I can't speak for him if he loves me or not , as for me I thought I did but then I keep thinking sometimes he makes It very hard for me to do that.

Oh and guess what he messaged me today and sent me a link to a instagram video of a woman who was acting a but slutty she was pouting and pretty much had her chest sticking out in the camera, n he sent the link and said tell me the song. because while she ws pouting there was some song in the background. n I just thought to myself so while he was insulting my appearance on holiday now we are back home he's on an instagram page full of slutty women who have their boobs out and butts out. literally I checked that whole page it was just full of women really, looking like ladies of the night.
and he had the balls.to send me that link

I just totally ignored him


The buying the branded top situation, him saying 'if you deserve it i will', again it's a controlling thing. The instagram video link is his subtle way of telling you how when together in private, he want's you to either look and/or behave sexually.

To use a euphemism, this is a 'car crash' relationship just waiting to happen.

ayla13
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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby ayla13 » Sat May 12, 2018 11:52 am

:shock:
UKGent wrote:
ayla13 wrote:
emilycurious wrote:Don't go all the way. You'll regret it.
I missed how old you are but you sound young, so just dump this fuçker and start having a good life with someone else.
It's a learning process, and unfortunately you are going to break up, and be heart broken a few more times before you meet your soul mate.
Find some one else who makes you feel appreciated for everything about you.
You won't find him (or her) tomorrow, or maybe for a year, but when you do you'll know that it's special.
I don't know what love is, I'm still trying to work it out myself, but I think if you can't be sure you are in love, then you probably aren't.
And even so, just being in love with someone may not be enough either. It's complicated!
So if the love sign post isn't pointing you in the right direction, think about your happiness. Are you happy? And I don't think you are, and you very much deserve to be.

he doesn't let off on the sexual stuff. literally that's what he tries to persade me.to do constantly. I feel like he tries to manipulate me into it by saying things like he will buy me presents and be more affectionate with me if we did that. he wanted to do it abroad, and before we went away I said oh can u buy me that branded top i was just testing him to see what he says and he basically said "if you deserve it I will" what he meant by that Is if I go all the way with him

btw he's 30 this year and I'm a bit younger in my mid twenties.

I can't speak for him if he loves me or not , as for me I thought I did but then I keep thinking sometimes he makes It very hard for me to do that.

Oh and guess what he messaged me today and sent me a link to a instagram video of a woman who was acting a but slutty she was pouting and pretty much had her chest sticking out in the camera, n he sent the link and said tell me the song. because while she ws pouting there was some song in the background. n I just thought to myself so while he was insulting my appearance on holiday now we are back home he's on an instagram page full of slutty women who have their boobs out and butts out. literally I checked that whole page it was just full of women really, looking like ladies of the night.
and he had the balls.to send me that link

I just totally ignored him


The buying the branded top situation, him saying 'if you deserve it i will', again it's a controlling thing. The instagram video link is his subtle way of telling you how when together in private, he want's you to either look and/or behave sexually.

To use a euphemism, this is a 'car crash' relationship just waiting to happen.


yeh id expect someome.to buy me things just to be nice, clearly that's not him. and as for looking or behaving like those women, I'm just not on that level of slutt in esst, you could say im more demure so that wouldn't happen neway

he's obviously just a tramp if he wants a trampy woman like that.

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UKGent
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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby UKGent » Sat May 12, 2018 3:52 pm

ayla13 wrote:
yeh id expect someome.to buy me things just to be nice, clearly that's not him. and as for looking or behaving like those women, I'm just not on that level of slutt in esst, you could say im more demure so that wouldn't happen neway

he's obviously just a tramp if he wants a trampy woman like that.


Well the warning signs are there, seems like they have been for some time. Now it's up to you to decide what road you going to take, stay with him and try to work things out or leave.

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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby ayla13 » Sat May 12, 2018 10:20 pm

UKGent wrote:
ayla13 wrote:
yeh id expect someome.to buy me things just to be nice, clearly that's not him. and as for looking or behaving like those women, I'm just not on that level of slutt in esst, you could say im more demure so that wouldn't happen neway

he's obviously just a tramp if he wants a trampy woman like that.


Well the warning signs are there, seems like they have been for some time. Now it's up to you to decide what road you going to take, stay with him and try to work things out or leave.

yeh I know it's a tough one.
these days when I stop talking to him simply.because I don't want to he always comes after me.and messages me, so it's clear he wants contact

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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby ayla13 » Sat May 12, 2018 10:23 pm

UKGent wrote:
ayla13 wrote:
yeh id expect someome.to buy me things just to be nice, clearly that's not him. and as for looking or behaving like those women, I'm just not on that level of slutt in esst, you could say im more demure so that wouldn't happen neway

he's obviously just a tramp if he wants a trampy woman like that.


Well the warning signs are there, seems like they have been for some time. Now it's up to you to decide what road you going to take, stay with him and try to work things out or leave.


I gave him a taste of his own medicine today. so after he sent me the link of the girl, I sent him a link of a guy off instagram with a heart eyes emoji.

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UKGent
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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby UKGent » Sat May 12, 2018 10:31 pm

ayla13 wrote:
UKGent wrote:
ayla13 wrote:
yeh id expect someome.to buy me things just to be nice, clearly that's not him. and as for looking or behaving like those women, I'm just not on that level of slutt in esst, you could say im more demure so that wouldn't happen neway

he's obviously just a tramp if he wants a trampy woman like that.


Well the warning signs are there, seems like they have been for some time. Now it's up to you to decide what road you going to take, stay with him and try to work things out or leave.

yeh I know it's a tough one.
these days when I stop talking to him simply.because I don't want to he always comes after me.and messages me, so it's clear he wants contact


Of course he will keep contacting you in these situations because being with you it's free sex (when ever you get it) and he knows you will always give in an accept him back. He annoy's you, you do not talk, he constantly messages you, you give in, and the cycle continues again and again.

ayla13
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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby ayla13 » Sat May 12, 2018 11:37 pm

UKGent wrote:
ayla13 wrote:
UKGent wrote:
ayla13 wrote:
yeh id expect someome.to buy me things just to be nice, clearly that's not him. and as for looking or behaving like those women, I'm just not on that level of slutt in esst, you could say im more demure so that wouldn't happen neway

he's obviously just a tramp if he wants a trampy woman like that.


Well the warning signs are there, seems like they have been for some time. Now it's up to you to decide what road you going to take, stay with him and try to work things out or leave.

yeh I know it's a tough one.
these days when I stop talking to him simply.because I don't want to he always comes after me.and messages me, so it's clear he wants contact


Of course he will keep contacting you in these situations because being with you it's free sex (when ever you get it) and he knows you will always give in an accept him back. He annoy's you, you do not talk, he constantly messages you, you give in, and the cycle continues again and again.

he doesn't get sex though, if he did this whole situation would b a lot worse..if he treated me that way after getting that.

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UKGent
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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby UKGent » Sat May 12, 2018 11:48 pm

ayla13 wrote:he doesn't get sex though, if he did this whole situation would b a lot worse..if he treated me that way after getting that.


I know, you've mentioned it before BUT he knows while being in a relationship with you, he can get it though, if he tries hard enough. In my opinion it's just all mind games with him.

This is where i will end my posts because it's getting to the point where i will be just repeating myself. Hopefully your make the right decision where to go in your relationship with your guy. Take care.

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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby Elysa » Sun May 13, 2018 5:08 pm

Get away as fast as you can. I was married to a controlling bully for 12 years. It only got worse. No one deserves off comments and cruel teasing, and it's a sign of worse things about him.

I'm telling you, he won't change. He needs to control someone. You're not being too sensitive, trust your feelings here.

This is a giant red flag. He'll only drive you insane. Who cares if he wants to sleep with. Lot's of men will want to sleep with you, lots of nice men. That's not a reason to be with someone.

RUN!!

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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby ayla13 » Sun May 13, 2018 9:14 pm

Elysa wrote:Get away as fast as you can. I was married to a controlling bully for 12 years. It only got worse. No one deserves off comments and cruel teasing, and it's a sign of worse things about him.

I'm telling you, he won't change. He needs to control someone. You're not being too sensitive, trust your feelings here.

This is a giant red flag. He'll only drive you insane. Who cares if he wants to sleep with. Lot's of men will want to sleep with you, lots of nice men. That's not a reason to be with someone.

RUN!!

are you divorced now then? what did he do?
nooo im not with him because of the physical stuff, that's nt important to me.anyway well not as much as just generally gettin along with someone.

I guess it's hard.to tell when you're in the situation yourself? his mean comments I just take with a grain of salt usually apart.from the ones he made.about my appearance which is what made me make a thread in the first place.

Its weird because since our holiday iv barely spoken to him it's been about a week and a half n regardless of all the stuff I'm talkig about now im beginning to feel dejected an miss him a little
it's just strange

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Re: Why is he only rude to me?

Postby Elysa » Tue May 15, 2018 1:15 am

ayla13 wrote:
Elysa wrote:Get away as fast as you can. I was married to a controlling bully for 12 years. It only got worse. No one deserves off comments and cruel teasing, and it's a sign of worse things about him.

I'm telling you, he won't change. He needs to control someone. You're not being too sensitive, trust your feelings here.

This is a giant red flag. He'll only drive you insane. Who cares if he wants to sleep with. Lot's of men will want to sleep with you, lots of nice men. That's not a reason to be with someone.

RUN!!

are you divorced now then? what did he do?
nooo im not with him because of the physical stuff, that's nt important to me.anyway well not as much as just generally gettin along with someone.

I guess it's hard.to tell when you're in the situation yourself? his mean comments I just take with a grain of salt usually apart.from the ones he made.about my appearance which is what made me make a thread in the first place.

Its weird because since our holiday iv barely spoken to him it's been about a week and a half n regardless of all the stuff I'm talkig about now im beginning to feel dejected an miss him a little
it's just strange



Well, it concerned you enough to ask a forum full of strangers. Mine was a weird and rather long story, he had a condition that grew worse as years went by. Yes, I divorced him.

Indeed, it's very strange that you'd be missing someone who can't act like an adult. Something to think about.


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