Why did I cheat on my boyfriend?

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Why did I cheat on my boyfriend?

Postby [email protected] » Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:47 pm

First of all I'd like to thank anyone for their response in advance. I have never tried an _ forum and I wouldn't unless I really felt lost.
It's a really long story but if anyone could take the time to read it, I can't tell you how much I would appreciate it. Thank you.

I am only 21. My first boyfriend was my first love and turned out to be a really harmful person who began to treat me very badly. I had a very difficult year after breaking up trying to find my strength and happiness again, until my best friend and I began to develop feelings for one another. It was very confusing for me to develop feelings for a girl, and I struggled against it for a while but eventually I decided to let myself love her and be loved back. I am very lucky to have an incredibly supportive group of close friends, and eventually my mum and dad came round to the fact I was with a girl. We were together for 2 years and it was a very happy time in my life, although I never quite felt as sexually satisfied as I know I would have been if I were with a boy. We graduated school, I went travelling and she went on an educational program in the States for a year and we struggled. We tried an open relationship which worked while we were away from each other, but as soon as we both home again I realised the trust had gone. She is a very sociable person. Always the life and soul of a party, and has a very socially flirtacious way of being. After the year apart I felt I couldn't trust her anymore and I knew she wanted to be single in her own way as well, although she was scared to lose me. Last January, about 4 months after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend the previous September, I met a boy who gave me hope for the first time in a long time. I was his first love, his first anything, and he fell for me very quickly. I wasn't really ready for it all but went with it because he was wonderful and I wanted to move on so desperately. We were happy. He is gorgeous. He is utterly devoted and adoring. But come Easter when I saw my ex-girlfriend again I realised all those feelings were still there. She tried to get me back, we kissed and then slept together. This was only 3 months into my relationship with my boyfriend, and I had already been feeling very suffocated. That is no excuse I know, but, if I'm honest with myself, I didn't really feel guilty. I was just terrified he would find out. I decided to tell him that we had kissed twice, but not anything else. He was absolutely crushed. I had to block her on all forms of social media and not see her in order to show him I was putting him first. It was so hard to cut her out but I convinced myself he was my future. We had a happy Summer together but began to argue intensely towards the end. All through the first term of our second year of University we argued badly, on and off. He became very jealous and protective. I couldn't have fun with friends on a night out without him feeling like I was distracted and not giving him enough attention. This Christmas I came home, after a solid month of arguing with my boyfriend, and saw my ex at a party. It was incredible seeing her. It felt like my feelings had come back. I was so drunk, and we kissed, and then slept together. Immediately, I felt sick. I had arranged to see my boyfriend the next day before going to the party and I had to pretend like everything was okay. He was trying so hard to make things better between us after a period of arguing. I felt dead inside knowing what I had done to him. I broke up with him over Christmas, knowing I couldn't carry on as if nothing had happened but knowing I couldn't tell him either for fear of crushing him. It sounds twisted but I love him too much to hurt him so badly by telling him. He is an insecure person and naturally jealous as it is. If I told him what had happened, I don't think he would ever recover and doubt he could ever trust anyone again. What do I do? Do I tell him? Do I protect him? Can I ever get back with him? Should I? He is so wonderful and I miss him so much. He is a good person. And I know now, with a greater sense of clarity that although I love my ex-girlfriend and always will, I just want us to be best friends. Nothing more. But I know we will likely never be able to be purely platonic. We will always have a special and close bond. She is accepting of this and just wants to have me back in her life, in whatever capacity that may be.
I feel like I'm questioning myself and who I am. I used to be a very moral person. I thought cheating was disgusting and didn't understand it. How could I have done this? How do I move on from this? What is the right thing to do?
Any suggestions would be so appreciated.
Thank you to everyone.

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Re: Why did I cheat on my boyfriend?

Postby Jean-Louise » Mon Jan 08, 2018 2:16 pm

[email protected] wrote:First of all I'd like to thank anyone for their response in advance. I have never tried an _ forum and I wouldn't unless I really felt lost.
It's a really long story but if anyone could take the time to read it, I can't tell you how much I would appreciate it. Thank you.

I am only 21. My first boyfriend was my first love and turned out to be a really harmful person who began to treat me very badly. I had a very difficult year after breaking up trying to find my strength and happiness again, until my best friend and I began to develop feelings for one another. It was very confusing for me to develop feelings for a girl, and I struggled against it for a while but eventually I decided to let myself love her and be loved back. I am very lucky to have an incredibly supportive group of close friends, and eventually my mum and dad came round to the fact I was with a girl. We were together for 2 years and it was a very happy time in my life, although I never quite felt as sexually satisfied as I know I would have been if I were with a boy. We graduated school, I went travelling and she went on an educational program in the States for a year and we struggled. We tried an open relationship which worked while we were away from each other, but as soon as we both home again I realised the trust had gone. She is a very sociable person. Always the life and soul of a party, and has a very socially flirtacious way of being. After the year apart I felt I couldn't trust her anymore and I knew she wanted to be single in her own way as well, although she was scared to lose me. Last January, about 4 months after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend the previous September, I met a boy who gave me hope for the first time in a long time. I was his first love, his first anything, and he fell for me very quickly. I wasn't really ready for it all but went with it because he was wonderful and I wanted to move on so desperately. We were happy. He is gorgeous. He is utterly devoted and adoring. But come Easter when I saw my ex-girlfriend again I realised all those feelings were still there. She tried to get me back, we kissed and then slept together. This was only 3 months into my relationship with my boyfriend, and I had already been feeling very suffocated. That is no excuse I know, but, if I'm honest with myself, I didn't really feel guilty. I was just terrified he would find out. I decided to tell him that we had kissed twice, but not anything else. He was absolutely crushed. I had to block her on all forms of social media and not see her in order to show him I was putting him first. It was so hard to cut her out but I convinced myself he was my future. We had a happy Summer together but began to argue intensely towards the end. All through the first term of our second year of University we argued badly, on and off. He became very jealous and protective. I couldn't have fun with friends on a night out without him feeling like I was distracted and not giving him enough attention. This Christmas I came home, after a solid month of arguing with my boyfriend, and saw my ex at a party. It was incredible seeing her. It felt like my feelings had come back. I was so drunk, and we kissed, and then slept together. Immediately, I felt sick. I had arranged to see my boyfriend the next day before going to the party and I had to pretend like everything was okay. He was trying so hard to make things better between us after a period of arguing. I felt dead inside knowing what I had done to him. I broke up with him over Christmas, knowing I couldn't carry on as if nothing had happened but knowing I couldn't tell him either for fear of crushing him. It sounds twisted but I love him too much to hurt him so badly by telling him. He is an insecure person and naturally jealous as it is. If I told him what had happened, I don't think he would ever recover and doubt he could ever trust anyone again. What do I do? Do I tell him? Do I protect him? Can I ever get back with him? Should I? He is so wonderful and I miss him so much. He is a good person. And I know now, with a greater sense of clarity that although I love my ex-girlfriend and always will, I just want us to be best friends. Nothing more. But I know we will likely never be able to be purely platonic. We will always have a special and close bond. She is accepting of this and just wants to have me back in her life, in whatever capacity that may be.
I feel like I'm questioning myself and who I am. I used to be a very moral person. I thought cheating was disgusting and didn't understand it. How could I have done this? How do I move on from this? What is the right thing to do?
Any suggestions would be so appreciated.
Thank you to everyone.


Sorry, I did not take the time to read all this. The length of your backstory is so long, I am sure that is why no one else has responded.
There is an adage about making a long story short.
Exclusive relationships invariably lead to cheating at one point or another.
But multiple relationships with people who do not expect exclusivity make for a happier relationship. Or at least. that is what I have found.

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emilycurious
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Re: Why did I cheat on my boyfriend?

Postby emilycurious » Mon Jan 08, 2018 3:51 pm

Hi Anon Girl, I read every word - I write epicly long crap here, so it's only fair that I read everything too.
Babe, you're only 21, you're going to repeat this a few more times before you are really really in love.
Your guy sounds sweet but is too insecure, you need your freedom.
Your girl sounds wonderful, she loves you and allows you your freedom. Inevitably your friendship and intimacy will evolve, nothing stays the same, and no one knows whether you will stay friends and/or stay lovers, or not.
But you must do what's right for you and not live for anyone else at this time of your life - compromise is for later down the road - right now you need to live and love as you please.
“Cut the ending. Revise the script. The man of her dreams is a girl.” ― Julie Anne Peters

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Elysa
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Re: Why did I cheat on my boyfriend?

Postby Elysa » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:19 pm

You cheated because you're either a damn tasty slut or you're not finding what you desire, because you don't know what you desire. I've cheated so many times on past boyfriends and husbands and each time there was a different reason. Well that, and I used to be a damn tasty slut who liked to fućk.

Wait that came out wrong. I'm still tasty, I still like to fućk and I'm still a slut. But only one guy gets to experience all that now.

Anyway. Yeah, you sound like you're trying to hang onto 'the dream' of a relationship that's moved on, i.e. the girlfriend. And, you sound like you're suffocating with the boyfriend, All reasons to cheat. If you're suffocating as you say, that's not his fault, and she's only the 'grass is greener' figure here I suspect.

Why don't you take some time away from everyone except yourself for a while. So why did you cheat? Only you can answer the question.

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Re: Why did I cheat on my boyfriend?

Postby kinghelfer » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:53 pm

Dress it up how you want, makes some excuses too but you cheated because you wanted to. Just accept that fact and be honest with yourself. That's why we all do it. There is no need for a fancy name or calling it a "Syndrome" and going for therapy. You wanted it and you went for it. Good for you! :clap:
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Re: Why did I cheat on my boyfriend?

Postby UKGent » Tue Jan 09, 2018 11:18 pm

[email protected] wrote:First of all I'd like to thank anyone for their response in advance. I have never tried an _ forum and I wouldn't unless I really felt lost.
It's a really long story but if anyone could take the time to read it, I can't tell you how much I would appreciate it. Thank you.

I am only 21. My first boyfriend was my first love and turned out to be a really harmful person who began to treat me very badly. I had a very difficult year after breaking up trying to find my strength and happiness again, until my best friend and I began to develop feelings for one another. It was very confusing for me to develop feelings for a girl, and I struggled against it for a while but eventually I decided to let myself love her and be loved back. I am very lucky to have an incredibly supportive group of close friends, and eventually my mum and dad came round to the fact I was with a girl. We were together for 2 years and it was a very happy time in my life, although I never quite felt as sexually satisfied as I know I would have been if I were with a boy. We graduated school, I went travelling and she went on an educational program in the States for a year and we struggled. We tried an open relationship which worked while we were away from each other, but as soon as we both home again I realised the trust had gone. She is a very sociable person. Always the life and soul of a party, and has a very socially flirtacious way of being. After the year apart I felt I couldn't trust her anymore and I knew she wanted to be single in her own way as well, although she was scared to lose me. Last January, about 4 months after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend the previous September, I met a boy who gave me hope for the first time in a long time. I was his first love, his first anything, and he fell for me very quickly. I wasn't really ready for it all but went with it because he was wonderful and I wanted to move on so desperately. We were happy. He is gorgeous. He is utterly devoted and adoring. But come Easter when I saw my ex-girlfriend again I realised all those feelings were still there. She tried to get me back, we kissed and then slept together. This was only 3 months into my relationship with my boyfriend, and I had already been feeling very suffocated. That is no excuse I know, but, if I'm honest with myself, I didn't really feel guilty. I was just terrified he would find out. I decided to tell him that we had kissed twice, but not anything else. He was absolutely crushed. I had to block her on all forms of social media and not see her in order to show him I was putting him first. It was so hard to cut her out but I convinced myself he was my future. We had a happy Summer together but began to argue intensely towards the end. All through the first term of our second year of University we argued badly, on and off. He became very jealous and protective. I couldn't have fun with friends on a night out without him feeling like I was distracted and not giving him enough attention. This Christmas I came home, after a solid month of arguing with my boyfriend, and saw my ex at a party. It was incredible seeing her. It felt like my feelings had come back. I was so drunk, and we kissed, and then slept together. Immediately, I felt sick. I had arranged to see my boyfriend the next day before going to the party and I had to pretend like everything was okay. He was trying so hard to make things better between us after a period of arguing. I felt dead inside knowing what I had done to him. I broke up with him over Christmas, knowing I couldn't carry on as if nothing had happened but knowing I couldn't tell him either for fear of crushing him. It sounds twisted but I love him too much to hurt him so badly by telling him. He is an insecure person and naturally jealous as it is. If I told him what had happened, I don't think he would ever recover and doubt he could ever trust anyone again. What do I do? Do I tell him? Do I protect him? Can I ever get back with him? Should I? He is so wonderful and I miss him so much. He is a good person. And I know now, with a greater sense of clarity that although I love my ex-girlfriend and always will, I just want us to be best friends. Nothing more. But I know we will likely never be able to be purely platonic. We will always have a special and close bond. She is accepting of this and just wants to have me back in her life, in whatever capacity that may be.
I feel like I'm questioning myself and who I am. I used to be a very moral person. I thought cheating was disgusting and didn't understand it. How could I have done this? How do I move on from this? What is the right thing to do?
Any suggestions would be so appreciated.
Thank you to everyone.


You know what you are doing is wrong, you make a point of pointing it out in your post. Your not looking for advice, your looking for others to be sympathetic to your cheating. If you do not know what the answer is to cheating then you are not very well educated in life skills, life skills that should have stopped you having a relationship in the first place because you do not appear mature enough to be in one.

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emilycurious
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Re: Why did I cheat on my boyfriend?

Postby emilycurious » Wed Jan 10, 2018 2:55 pm

UKGent wrote:you are not very well educated in life skills, life skills that should have stopped you having a relationship in the first place

And you fell out of the womb fully cognizant of every possibility no doubt.
You don't learn by being perfect, except to be a perfect automaton.
Just because she doesn't do what your indoctrination lead you to, doesn't mean she is on the wrong path. It may not be the best path, but off road is so much more fun.
“Cut the ending. Revise the script. The man of her dreams is a girl.” ― Julie Anne Peters

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UKGent
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Re: Why did I cheat on my boyfriend?

Postby UKGent » Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:59 pm

emilycurious wrote:
UKGent wrote:you are not very well educated in life skills, life skills that should have stopped you having a relationship in the first place

And you fell out of the womb fully cognizant of every possibility no doubt.
You don't learn by being perfect, except to be a perfect automaton.
Just because she doesn't do what your indoctrination lead you to, doesn't mean she is on the wrong path. It may not be the best path, but off road is so much more fun.


No you do not learn by being perfect but you learn by life skills. People cheat all the time, we hear it from friends, work colleagues, parents, we see it played out in TV drama's and movies, we read about it in newspapers and magazines, it's all around us (life skills) but yet here we have someone who has cheated but does not know what to do!!!!.

Don't defend people like her.

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Elysa
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Re: Why did I cheat on my boyfriend?

Postby Elysa » Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:35 am

Exploration is definitely needed to find self-awareness.

You know how women are considered sluts if they sleep around? And cheaters are considered insincere if they commit adultery? Number one, I think both of those concepts are bullshit. Number two, well, I think more people should do both. Commit adultery and sleep around, that is. In my book, these are the people who went looking for answers to find themselves.

People make mistakes. But we need to learn from them. If we create a habitual pattern of infidelity and/or promiscuity without self-analysis of why we're doing it, then we're doomed. Otherwise we're just selfish cheating sluts. I was a selfish cheating slut and fuçk did I had fun. Jokes aside, it's a very thin line to walk.

And for the stupid people of the world, use goddamn condoms. I don't want your scurvy messing up my pristine ambrosial pusssy.

Disclaimer. The opinions expressed involving infidelity and promiscuity are geared towards mature adults who are sexually gifted and/or open-minded in one way or another. Most of which are regular members of this forum and spend the majority of their time in the sex sections...spreading their filth for us to have fun and help us figure out why we're a bunch of horny bastards and whóres. In other words, if you take offense or can't relate, grow up and start fuçking more.


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