Boyfriend meeting friends

Keep the sparkle in your relationship, chat to other members
quiggins605
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:19 pm

Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby quiggins605 » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:29 pm

Hi.

So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now, and he still hasn't properly met any of my friends. The beginning of our relationship was a little rocky, with me unintentionally managing to mess things up a bit, and since then my boyfriend has not fully trusted me, and has always been off with me whenever I mentioned my friends. Since then, I have pretty much isolated myself from my friends, speaking to them very rarely, and meeting up with them even less.

As a result, when I do make plans with friends, I get extremely anxious about telling my boyfriend, and he can sometimes be pretty unpleasant in response my plans. Although I maybe haven't made enough attempts for him and my closest friends to meet, when I have he has said he's busy "chilling by himself" and I'm sort of at a loss now about how to introduce him and them so late into the relationship without it being awkward. I'm probably being ridiculous, but the whole topic of my friends makes me really nervous whenever it's brought up around my boyfriend!!

Can anyone give me any advice that could maybe help my situation?? Or suggestions for ice breakers between my boyfriend and my friends?

User avatar
emilycurious
Advocate
Posts: 430
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:11 pm

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby emilycurious » Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:36 pm

quiggins605 wrote:with me unintentionally managing to mess things up a bit

No one is perfect.
Even people in very happy relationships have weird S*** going on.
If he loves you, if you love him, he should be able to get beyond this.
I'm saying the same thing to everyone today, group discount - TALK! Be honest, be caring, be considerate of each other, but talk.
“That’s your orgasm talking… You’re not really in love with me.” - Laurie Elizabeth Flynn

Jean-Louise
M'Lady
Posts: 2244
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2015 7:55 pm

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby Jean-Louise » Wed Sep 13, 2017 11:50 pm

quiggins605 wrote:Hi.

So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now, and he still hasn't properly met any of my friends. The beginning of our relationship was a little rocky, with me unintentionally managing to mess things up a bit, and since then my boyfriend has not fully trusted me, and has always been off with me whenever I mentioned my friends. Since then, I have pretty much isolated myself from my friends, speaking to them very rarely, and meeting up with them even less.

As a result, when I do make plans with friends, I get extremely anxious about telling my boyfriend, and he can sometimes be pretty unpleasant in response my plans. Although I maybe haven't made enough attempts for him and my closest friends to meet, when I have he has said he's busy "chilling by himself" and I'm sort of at a loss now about how to introduce him and them so late into the relationship without it being awkward. I'm probably being ridiculous, but the whole topic of my friends makes me really nervous whenever it's brought up around my boyfriend!!

Can anyone give me any advice that could maybe help my situation?? Or suggestions for ice breakers between my boyfriend and my friends?


Invite everyone out to dinner. Or have a cocktail party.
Don’t stress. Bring everyone together. You are the conduit between your boyfriend and your other friends.

User avatar
Elysa
Swami
Posts: 1022
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 3:26 am

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby Elysa » Thu Sep 14, 2017 6:47 am

What'd you do unintentionally? Spill it!!

And how does he respond to your plans?

quiggins605
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:19 pm

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby quiggins605 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 1:32 pm

Elysa wrote:What'd you do unintentionally? Spill it!!

And how does he respond to your plans?


He makes comments about how I'm obviously going to meet up with an ex, which really hurts.

But brought the lack of trust on myself really with the unintentional mess up. I met a few of my friends in a bar, and my ex was there. I didn't realise he would be, and because I didn't want my boyfriend to think that I was purposely meeting up with an ex, I lied about him not being there. Long story short, he found out that I'd been in the same place and shared a taxi home with him and 6 of my other friends. After finding this out he thought I'd cheated on him and I think deep down he still thinks I have. It was such a stupid mistake on my behalf because if I'd handled it maturely instead of thinking I needed to protect him by lying and just told him my ex was there I feel like there wouldn't be any of this awkward tension around him and my friends ☹️

User avatar
emilycurious
Advocate
Posts: 430
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:11 pm

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby emilycurious » Thu Sep 14, 2017 2:08 pm

Ok, so I just replied to your other post were you say you are not having sex.
This guy is a jerk, dump him.
You deserve better.
Dump him, go out with your friends, meet a nice guy (or girl) and have fun.
Just do it.
(This message was not sponsored by Nike)
“That’s your orgasm talking… You’re not really in love with me.” - Laurie Elizabeth Flynn

mx6
Swami
Posts: 1092
Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2016 12:28 am

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby mx6 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 2:17 pm

emilycurious wrote:Ok, so I just replied to your other post were you say you are not having sex.
This guy is a jerk, dump him.
You deserve better.
Dump him, go out with your friends, meet a nice guy (or girl) and have fun.
Just do it.
(This message was not sponsored by Nike)


I agree. Find a nice boy who wants sex more than you do and likes your friends.
And in no particular order dump the existing one. He is a control freak.

quiggins605
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:19 pm

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby quiggins605 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 2:28 pm

mx6 wrote:
emilycurious wrote:Ok, so I just replied to your other post were you say you are not having sex.
This guy is a jerk, dump him.
You deserve better.
Dump him, go out with your friends, meet a nice guy (or girl) and have fun.
Just do it.
(This message was not sponsored by Nike)


I agree. Find a nice boy who wants sex more than you do and likes your friends.
And in no particular order dump the existing one. He is a control freak.


It's just a nightmare because we can get on so well, and he's done such lovely things for me. He bought me my first car, he's bought me beautiful clothes, cards. I'm starting uni in a couple of weeks in the city where he lives, and I changed my original uni choice so I could be close range to him. I can't lie and say I haven't made mistakes in our relationship, but I just find him so unforgiving about them, I feel like he just doesn't try to see things from my point of view at all, and it's gut wrenching really because I love him eugh.

User avatar
emilycurious
Advocate
Posts: 430
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:11 pm

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby emilycurious » Thu Sep 14, 2017 2:32 pm

I think he thinks he owns you, bought and paid for.
I think he's psychotic.
I think you should run run run away.
What do you think Quiggs?
“That’s your orgasm talking… You’re not really in love with me.” - Laurie Elizabeth Flynn

quiggins605
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:19 pm

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby quiggins605 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 3:00 pm

emilycurious wrote:I think he thinks he owns you, bought and paid for.
I think he's psychotic.
I think you should run run run away.
What do you think Quiggs?


I'm not blind to the way he acts, but I'm also in a state where I feel like he's the only person I have to depend on. Everything in my life now revolves around him and his schedule so I feel like I'd have nothing if he wasn't there. I don't know how I let myself get like this!!!

quiggins605
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:19 pm

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby quiggins605 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 3:01 pm

Also thank you guys for letting me offload, I haven't been able to talk to anyone about how I feel for months so it's nice to actually get it all out!!

mx6
Swami
Posts: 1092
Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2016 12:28 am

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby mx6 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 3:01 pm

emilycurious wrote:I think he thinks he owns you, bought and paid for.
I think he's psychotic.
I think you should run run run away.
What do you think Quiggs?


You beat me to it. Yes, he thinks he owns you. This sounds like a sugarbabe/sugardaddy relationship gone wrong. If you're the babe you should lay down the rules and set the price.

Seriously, if you are in a relationship that you can genuinely describe as a nightmare then it's not right for you (good relationships just aren't like that). Get out and find someone nice.

mx6
Swami
Posts: 1092
Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2016 12:28 am

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby mx6 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 3:09 pm

quiggins605 wrote:Also thank you guys for letting me offload, I haven't been able to talk to anyone about how I feel for months so it's nice to actually get it all out!!


If you can't handle life without him for a while then at least formalise the relationship. He's your sugar daddy and that gives him certain rights provided he continues to make the right financial contribution, which you should set at a sensible level. He doesn't get to control who you see when you're not with him and you can terminate the deal at any time. If he's on with that then go ahead otherwise he's bringing little value into your life.

User avatar
Elysa
Swami
Posts: 1022
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 3:26 am

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby Elysa » Thu Sep 14, 2017 8:55 pm

quiggins605 wrote:
Elysa wrote:What'd you do unintentionally? Spill it!!

And how does he respond to your plans?


He makes comments about how I'm obviously going to meet up with an ex, which really hurts.

But brought the lack of trust on myself really with the unintentional mess up. I met a few of my friends in a bar, and my ex was there. I didn't realise he would be, and because I didn't want my boyfriend to think that I was purposely meeting up with an ex, I lied about him not being there. Long story short, he found out that I'd been in the same place and shared a taxi home with him and 6 of my other friends. After finding this out he thought I'd cheated on him and I think deep down he still thinks I have. It was such a stupid mistake on my behalf because if I'd handled it maturely instead of thinking I needed to protect him by lying and just told him my ex was there I feel like there wouldn't be any of this awkward tension around him and my friends ☹️



Oh, what a tangled web we weave. Walter Scott

Always a bigger picture. He's got trust issues. And you're avoiding something, dodging triggers.

A person doesn't usually wake-up one morning thinking their partner is cheating, unless they're a paranoid schizophrenic.

There's more beans. Spill...

quiggins605
Beginner! Talk to me!
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:19 pm

Re: Boyfriend meeting friends

Postby quiggins605 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 10:35 pm

Elysa wrote:
quiggins605 wrote:
Elysa wrote:What'd you do unintentionally? Spill it!!

And how does he respond to your plans?


He makes comments about how I'm obviously going to meet up with an ex, which really hurts.

But brought the lack of trust on myself really with the unintentional mess up. I met a few of my friends in a bar, and my ex was there. I didn't realise he would be, and because I didn't want my boyfriend to think that I was purposely meeting up with an ex, I lied about him not being there. Long story short, he found out that I'd been in the same place and shared a taxi home with him and 6 of my other friends. After finding this out he thought I'd cheated on him and I think deep down he still thinks I have. It was such a stupid mistake on my behalf because if I'd handled it maturely instead of thinking I needed to protect him by lying and just told him my ex was there I feel like there wouldn't be any of this awkward tension around him and my friends ☹️



Oh, what a tangled web we weave. Walter Scott

Always a bigger picture. He's got trust issues. And you're avoiding something, dodging triggers.

A person doesn't usually wake-up one morning thinking their partner is cheating, unless they're a paranoid schizophrenic.

There's more beans. Spill...


I know he has trust issues, he told me his last girlfriend went between him and her ex boyfriend. Beyond what I've said though I've done nothing to make him mistrust me, and I don't know what I can do to prove he can trust me. If every time I say I'm going out with my friends he accuses me of meeting up with my ex what can I say or do to prove him wrong??

I avoid actually talking about our feelings and what's going on granted, but other than that I'm not avoiding anything, especially since the incident I described I've always been completely honest with him.


Return to “Relationship”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests